You have the feeling that your couple is purring, that they have lost that much-loved passion from the beginning and that nothing can wake them up again. Should we consider swinging?
Pierre and Isabelle have been in a relationship for 14 years. They have two children in good shape and everything is going well for them. Except that, for some years, they are bored in bed, especially Pierre who can no longer be satisfied with their sexual habits. With the years and the arrival of the children, they can not find again this fullness, this lightness and spontaneity of the beginnings.
They tried to talk about it together, to spice up their antics, but the efforts went out of steam too quickly to return to the same habits. It is then that Pierre proposes to Isabelle to try an experiment: and why not test the swinging? This practice is becoming more prevalent today, many couples dare to try the experience … so why not them?
Maybe, like Pierre and Isabelle, you have the sensation that your couple is purring, that he has lost that passion so much appreciated from the beginning and that nothing can wake him up again. Should we consider swinging? What are the benefits but also the risks of such a practice? This is what I want to address in this new sexo chronicle.
Where does this practice come from?
It is difficult to know exactly when Swinging began … but it seems that his practices are as old as the world. Whether during the Roman period, the Middle Ages or during the famous era of the eighteenth century, orgies, banquets or games gave way to a real liberation of manners.
We will hear much less about it later but it is in Europe, during the second world war, that will develop the concept of “key parties”, evenings during which the men mixed the keys of their rooms to be chosen at random by their wives.
The sexual liberation during the 70s will bring another concept: that of sexual community that changes the rules of the game, no longer advocating the preservation of the couple as is the case in swinging.
Today, and for a good fifteen years, the number of swingers clubs or sites dedicated to its practitioners continues to increase, showing a real desire to break the sexual routine while preserving his couple.
In Belgium, 1 in 10 people would attend swingers clubs but 7% of Belgians would regularly practice swinging.
Men are 4x more represented than women with 16% against 4% of women. Moreover, the Belgians would be the ones who would make the most love in the presence of other people: 17% against 10% to 13% in neighboring countries.
As far as the social classes are concerned, they are all represented, and there would be as many young people as there are older people, contrary to what one might think.
Swinging, what is concrete?
It is a practice of consensual sex between adults who exchange partners for the purpose of sharing new experiences.
Within this concept, many things are possible:
• swinging in the heterosexual couple,
• blending (discoveries of other partners without any non-couple penetration),
• Threesomes (to the couple is added an additional partner),
• Candaulism (the man observes his wife during a sexual relationship with another man),
• cotacotism (having sex with one’s partner while being close enough to another couple for mutual observation),
• Swing in the bisexual couple (where all combinations are possible)
• group sexuality (also called “partooze” which can be practiced in club or at home, according to the rules issued by practitioners).
The goal is clear: take pleasure, and to achieve it, everything is possible as long as there is the consent of all parties. This is practiced in a club, a private party or a small committee at home.
Are there steps to follow?
If you get to make this finding of sexual boredom, it is above all important to take the time to talk to two. Have you really done everything to wake up your sexuality? Your sensuality? Are there no other ways to act before considering such a step for your couple? Would you really be willing to see your partner in the arms of another person and enjoy it?
To think about it is one thing, but to see it is another … then concretely address all these facets before going further in your path. In addition, and more individually, do not hesitate to think about your desires: would you do it for you and your couple or to please your spouse? In this case would things be right?
Once this step is done, it will be necessary then to establish your respective rules: do you need to meet other couples before going further? or on the contrary not to create a link before the sexual encounter? Is it just pleasure of the eyes or can we go to sexual intercourse as such? Everything has to be said … it will allow you to realize more concretely what can happen, and therefore check that you can handle these situations when the time comes.
What are the benefits for the couple?
For those who have “dared to go the distance”, it appears that their sexuality is awake, the desire and excitement is again at the rendezvous. The couple finds a kind of second youth, the two partners being then re-eroticized, more attractive and discovered differently.
Moreover, the notion of a couple is preserved, in the sense that the objective is to give it a “whiplash” and not to be in a logic of authorized infidelity. It is a common project, a search for couples and places that we do together. We prepare ourselves, we share our feelings, whether before or after.
The game of seduction is also reinvested, even some fantasies put into practice in a context where we dare to let go. Some taboos can also fall to give way to more letting go and therefore more fun.
What are the risks of threesomes ?
It is certain that this practice is not without risk since it can go as far as destroying the relationship of couple.
Indeed, some couples may feel lost, unbalanced after this experience. They may feel a real loss of bearings, a lack of understanding about the choice of partners or sexual practices never tested within the couple. Seeing your partner in this context and having fun with other people can be shocking to see if you are not sufficiently prepared. And this can lead to jealousy or loss of self-esteem, in the other person or in a relationship.
It is also possible that feelings come to mingle with the swingers, especially if these couples see each other several times. The experience is then seriously in danger of deviating from its primary objective: reinvesting one’s couple.
After a while, it is usually one of the two spouses who no longer wishes to continue the libertine adventure. He then terminates a conjugal project unilaterally. This decision can lead to big frustrations or even difficulties to be satisfied with more “classic” sexual relations for the partners, because let’s be honest, it is never easy to be satisfied with “less” when one has experienced “more”. A feeling of frustration or betrayal can surface, creating rancor and distance, in a project that is supposed to bring complicity and sharing.
You will have understood: if these practices libertines can make a real makeover of your couple, it can be as much at the origin of its loss.
It is therefore strongly advised to take sufficient time before investing, because backtracking is always more delicate than we imagine, and, as in many other areas, the reality always has less flavor What we had imagined or fantasized … advice from a sexologist!